Five in the Morning

I’ll take five in the morning and then five more at noon and as the sun is setting I’ll take 5 more again.
And I’d like to say that I’m not an addict but if we’re all being honest here then I’m am quite aware that I have a problem.
I have a problem in my mind and I like to think these tiny pills are being kind to me but in all reality they’re destroying my insides.
And I can feel it my head, I can feel it down to my very bones and I can feel it in every ounce of my being.
The pain, the pain, oh the pain that resides in me from these tiny things are what drive me for more.
Because as they destroy me they provide a temporary cure for the raging war that’s killing me.
I crave the release it gives me from the pain.
Oh the pain!
The pain that rests in the deepest corners of my soul, the pain that is cutting through me like a hot knife cuts through butter, the pain that is slowly, but surely getting rid of every aspect of my being.
Oh the pain.
Will you take my pain away? Because if you don’t I surely will, and I can promise you that it will kill.
I know that I need help but honestly I’m afraid. I’m drowning here and I don’t think I can be saved, so please, please, don’t let me live in pain. For my heart cannot bear it no longer.

I can lay here for hours and just stare blankly at these walls, and I don’t know why I do it but maybe I’m just waiting for your call. I can lay here for days and just keep my bloodshot eyes trained on the ceiling, and I’m not sure what I’m feeling but I’m pretty sure that it has everything to do with you. I can lay here months and keep my eyes on the clouds that I can see out my window, hoping one day that I’ll be as free as them and when I am the first thing I’ll do is run straight for you. And if I were to lay here until my last breathe I hope to God that you’ll be the last thing on my mind so I could at least be happy as I said good bye.

etherlighter:

You are the yellow sky at night
Embroidered with a bow of rain, 
And dripping in a lovely light
That makes the flowers grow. I know
That you are beautiful, again:
The very ether set aglow. 

You are the radiance and grace
Of clouds that live a crimson flame,
Of clouds that intertwine with space.
You are beloved and adored,
And I’m as happy as your name
For I’m, without a doubt, all yours. 

orange-plum:

draelogor:

lotrlockedwhovian:

viivus:

period thoughts

that would make the funniest fucking story ever. Due to a mix up at the factory, the template for incantations that was supposed to a publishing company of dark art books is sent to a feminine products factory. Girl then accidentally summons Satan with period blood. Satan gets confused because its “dead blood” and when he shows up he realizes the sacrifice was done incorrectly so he cannot take the girl’s soul but now is bound to do her bidding because oops his bad, he showed up anyway.

PLEASE

My hand slipped

(via artistimistic)

Trying only gets you so far

Sometimes I wonder what you see when you’re starring straight at me
Am I everything that you hoped I’d be?
Honestly I believe you think I can do better
But with standards so high
I’d be better off dead

So I’ll sit here for awhile
And recount all the memories
The way you smiled
And the way looked at me when I thought you believed in me
And maybe, eventually,
Everything will be okay
I hope to God I’ll be okay

I spent nights alone just listening to the sound of my own breathing
And it was during that time that I knew you were leaving
I tried so hard to be everything you wanted me to be
But in the end, I guess you were too fucking blind to see

So I’ll sit here for awhile
With all these broken memories
And you’ll be the one that’s okay
Because in the end you could never see
All the ways I tried so hard for you to just accept me.

Plans

I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to be who you wanted me to be
The standards that you made were much too high
And everything you told me just drained me inside
It got to the point that I couldn’t see
My own two hands even if they were right in front of me

And I know you wanted me to be perfect
But in the end I decided it wasn’t worth it
Your plans for me were not the ones in my dreams
Your plans for me were only as high as the clouds

My plans reached for the stars
And quite honestly I’d rather be higher than something that blocks the sun
Because when there are no clouds in the sky, you’ve got nowhere to run

I’m sorry I’m not who you wanted me to be
But I know that you’ve always meant well
And I know that without you I would have fell
So thank you for always being there for me
Even though I’m not who you wanted me to be.

As it should be

I remember those nights when I was younger
Where I would stay up and wait for you to come home
And I remember when I couldn’t wait any longer
That’s when I knew I’d have to go through this alone

I know you say you did it all for me
But can’t you see that the only thing I ever wanted
Was for you to be with me
Because growing up is kind of hard
When no one was ever around
To be there to pick you off the ground

But I’m older now
And the only thing I want from you
Is to give them the life
That you could never give me
But I’m loosing hope now
Because their life is nothing like it should be

It’s nothing as it should be

So for now I’ll look to the sky
And hope to God that I’ll find the strength in me
To make everything as it should be
I want to make everything as it should be

Coping

I’ve gotten to the point in which I’ve stopped caring about my own well being
I spend too much time worrying about others to even have the time to worry about myself
And I find it easier to cope with my own sadness
When the people I care about the most are happy

Or maybe I’m not coping at all
Maybe I’m slowly drowning
And as I’m sinking to the bottom
You’ll see that my eyes
Are as empty as the void that I’m submerged in.